And now, this PSA.

macgyver
Originally uploaded by JamiSings

Men, this is the fictional character of Angus "Mac" MacGyver. He was played by Richard Dean Anderson.

He is the ONLY one who can make a mullet look cool.

If your name is not Richard Dean Anderson and you're not an actor from MacGyver or Stargate SG-1, please get a real haircut. Because a mullet does NOT look good on you.

From all of us who have to look at you, thank you.

Running on autopilot....

Heh. I'm at work -

A whole hour early!

I told my boss that since we can't fiddle with the schedual I'd just goof off on the computer. Not do any work. I figure since I'm not on the clock no one can fault me for blogging a bit.

It's a good thing though. The other clerk is sick so one of the librarians did the money - and locked the key in the cash register. She didn't know what it was for. I paniced, our page asked if there were extras someplace else - she was right! Thank God for our page.

I just ran on autopilot this morning. Some days I work at 9, others at 10. I took it for granted that I was working at 9 today without checking my book. So here I am.

If you, like me, are running on autopilot and find yourself with an hour to kill, here's something that will kill at least five minutes - the blog Pale Is The New Tan.

And I thought People Of WalMart was a terrifying site!

Call me Scrooge of you must.

I'm not big on holidays. Especially Christmas. To start with people keep removing God from it. Well, I'm sorry, but it is a HOLY day. No matter if you celebrate it as Solstice or Christmas, it's about the worship of God or many gods/goddesses. It's not about buying gifts or big parties.

Then there's the fact my maternal ancestry is Jewish which makes me Jewish. (In Judaism it's the mom's side that counts, not the dad's.) By rights I should be doing Hanukkah anyway. But the rest of the family does Christmas. So I just do my Menorah on my own. Mom considers herself a Messianic Jew. (Think "Jews for Jesus.") Because of that whole messed up business of my great-grandparents pretending to be Catholic (but practicing Judaism in secret) to escape persecution/Antisemitism.

Pardon my french but - FUCK BIGOTRY!

Though to be fair I never would've been born because mom never would've left the Catholic church if the Pavlicks and the Voytkos didn't feel it necessary to hide what they really were for their safety. Then mom would've never been set up on a blind date via a Protestant church's minister's wife with my dad.

ANYWAY - like I said, not big on holidays.

There's also the stress. Shopping for everyone. Getting the house cleaned up. Etc.

Finally, even though it's not about gifts, gifts figure into it and this is where it gets personal.

See, every single year I tell my mom to inform everyone to NOT buy me a bunch of separate gifts, but to each chip in $10 for one family gift. I figure between mom and dad, two of my 3 brothers (Mark lives in Arizona and never buys any of us anything), Paul's girlfriend, and my nephew and his girlfriend - well, that's a $70 gift. All I need. And I always say "I want either golf lessons or a gift certificate to a day spa."

What do I hear? "Oh, Todd's already bought you a gift." "Paul and Cindy already got you a gift."

You know they NEVER get me anything I actually like! They buy stuff THEY like. Candle holders, stupid stuffed animals - one year for my birthday my brother Todd got me the movie Titanic - I absolutely DESPISE Leo DiCaprio - or as I call him, Leo DiCRAPrio. Granted, I was able to exchange it for the sound track for the stage version of Evita. But still, to buy me that stuff without asking me?

I do this for birthdays too. I tell them I don't want them to buy separate gifts. Just go in together for one main gift. I'm trying to save them money and get something I've always day dreamed about having - like a fancy-schmancy facial - or to finally use those golf clubs I bought at the Salvation Army. And I get treated like the bad person in this!

You know my mom actually said to me "You do NOT ask for what you want!" Um, hello? Isn't the point of getting gifts getting what you want that you can't/won't buy for yourself? Not things you wouldn't even buy for 25 cents at a garage sale?

Is it really so bad that I'd rather have everyone go in together for a $70 gift card for Nordstrom's spa rather then waste twice as much money on things I don't want and won't use?

Yeah, I'm really not a holiday person. Or a birthday person for that matter when it comes to gifts.

But geez, the holidays - even worse. Sorry folks, but it's a HOLY day. God (or gods/goddesses) are part of it, like it or not. If you don't like it, lump it.

The Shortest Gunfighter

Me
Originally uploaded by JamiSings

Yep, that's me. Probably around 1979 or really early 80s. Being big into The Lone Ranger and Zorro I loved old west stuff as a kid and wanted very much to be a wild west sheriff. I wanted to ride with The Lone Ranger and Tonto.

I heard that in the new movie version Johnny Depp will be playing Tonto. While I will admit Depp is talented, I just cannot see him saying "Kemosabe" - savvy?

How does one start an extreme sport?

You all know how I hate the paparazzi. If they wanted to chase after Roman Polanski (for those who live in a cave he drugged a 14 year old with quaaludes and raped her then fled the country when he got a proper sentence for his horrible crime) or Victor Salva (writer/director who was convicted of molesting little boys). Go for it. When Robert Downey Jr was doing drugs, I approved, but now that he's clean and sober I think people need to leave him alone.

Basically, as long as a famous person - be they reality star or a singer or actress or whatever - is obeying the law then leave them alone. I don't care if they "chose to live a public life" - even famous people need privacy.

And besides, 99% of what ends up printed about them is a lie. Take when they were claiming Barry Manilow had a mysterious disease and was dying just because they took pictures of him in a t-shirt and noticed he'd "skinny." Um, hello - HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THAT THIN! I have a poster of him on my wall right now that's from 1976 and he is just as thin in it as he is now. That's just the way God made him. A very tall, thin man.

Then of course there's all the lies about Kate Gosselin "cheating" on Jon with a bodyguard he encouraged her to have.

And I remember years ago they were constantly saying Richard Pryor was dead when the man was still alive! STILL ALIVE! Honestly!

Basically the paparazzi and the gossip sheets break the 9th commandment - they're bearing false witness against their fellow children of God, their neighbors.

But since it isn't likely that the paparazzi will be banned unless I magically gain 100% total control over the US government - which I so do NOT want, I hate leading people - I thought I could establish a new extreme sport.

Photobombing The Paparazzi!

Whenever people see the paparazzi around, they will run in front of the cameras and ruin the shot. Making faces, mooning them, etc. Also for those whom live in a high celebrity population area they can add signs to the sport. With various slogans. Here's a few I suggest.

"Paparazzi are breaking the 9th Commandment!"

"FUCK CANCER!"

"Hi mom!"

"Kilroy was here!"

"Hey paparazzi, use your powers for good instead of evil and find Osama!"

"What about REAL news?"

"Celebrities need privacy too!"

Or whatever you want to put on it. Advertisement for your website or business. Giant pictures of your dog.

Do it in large groups to cover more cameras. Just remember to not actually touch the paparazzi or their equipment. Just keep ruining their shots. The more pictures ruined, the less they have to sell to the tabloids.

The goal of the sport is to eventually ruin the "careers" of the paparazzi so they'd go and get real jobs. All without causing bodily harm. Though for those not afraid of potential lawsuits you may add the use of water balloons and Super Soakers. Try to get the paparazzi wet without harming the person they're stalking.

I think this would be a great sport. You'd be doing a good deed while also having to do a lot of running, jumping - and for those whom go for mooning the paparazzi, trying to pull your pants down WHILE running and jumping.

Or if you're a bike rider or skater you can do it on wheels! Roller blade in front of the paparazzi, getting between them and and the celebrity as fast as you can while pulling your pants down!

I think it would catch on like wildfire. Especially when you inform people whom say "I'm sick and tired of hearing about the Gosselins" that if the paparazzi couldn't get any decent shots of Kate or Jon to sell, then there wouldn't be anymore stories about them.

So, who do I go to to get this new extreme sport off the ground?

Why do people play this song at weddings?

Every Breath You Take is about the only non-Barry Manilow 80s song I like. (And one I was sorely disapointed wasn't on his Greatest Songs Of The 80s. At least I would've recongnized something other then I Just Called To Say I Love You and Right Here Waiting For You - the latter I wouldn't have known if not for my jr. high "boyfriend" whom dedicated it to me after I dumped him for being too bossy. I didn't listen to 80s songs in the 80s!) I always lovingly refer to it as "The Crazy Stalker Song." I've even have been trying to learn to sing it. I do okay until I get to the "Since you've been gone I've been lost without a trace" part. It's so different from what I usually do I panic, over think, and end up off key.

If I could just relax I could get it, I'm sure of it.

But I've noticed people play it at weddings. WHY?! It's a song about someone who's STALKING their ex-lover/spouse. Heck, didn't Sting admit he wrote it when once of his marriages was breaking up? That's what I read somewhere.

It's not a love song. It's a stalker song. It's a good song, yes, it's emotional and catchy. But it's not a love song.

I remember when I first heard it - there used to be these little cartoon music videos. They did things like Rockin' Robin and such. And I can remember the cartoon showing an animiated guy stalking a woman, sometimes it would be just his big eyes hanging in the sky, watching every thing she did. (I can also remember them doing Heart Of Rock And Roll complete with a drawing of what an actual human heart looks like, beating.) If I remember correctly the cartoon studio whom did it got in trouble for using songs still under copy right. I can't find any except the Rockin' Robin one and I seem to be the only person whom remembers Every Breath You Take and Heart Of Rock And Roll.

Anyway folks, consider this a PSA - Every Breath You Take is not a love song, repeat, NOT a love song. It's a Crazy Stalker Song. Please stop playing it at weddings. Unless you're marrying your stalker.

Thank you.

Dear Cellphone Man In Texas

Sir, if you have so much money you can toss it away by yaking on your cellphone while driving a million dollar car, how about throwing some of that my way? $20,000 would be nice. That way I could pay my bills in full and have a nice cushion of money to work with to pay taxes next year and try to grow so I can maybe eventually produce my own album for sale. Or perhaps you might just part with more. $30,000 would be nice. $100,000 would be better.

I mean, you're just tossing money away like so much trash anyway. So why not toss some to me? At least with me you'd know 10% would be instantly tithed to God and go to do good rather then buying you another sports car to drive into the water.

I shall be waiting for you to contact me about where to send the check.

Thank you.

~Jami J. Russell~